Posting. Texting. Chatting. Blogging. With school out and summer ahead, teens are finding more ways to let their fingers do the walking through cyberspace to stay connected.  But if you think they’re actually talking on their cell phones or sending silly photos from band camp, think again.

The new trend among our ever-connected (or over-connected) teens is “sexting.” 

“Sexting refers to the posting or sending of sexually suggestive messages or images, usually naked pictures of oneself or partially naked pictures,” says Melissa Fleschler Peskin, PhD, assistant professor of Health Promotion and Behavioral Sciences at The University of Texas School of Public Health.

And, it’s not just other people’s children who are sending and receiving nude self portraits. New research suggests that sexting is considered yawningly common among teens.

“According to a recent survey conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Cosmogirl.com, one in five teens reports sending sexually explicit images, and almost 40 percent of teens report sending sexually suggestive messages,” Peskin says. “The limited data suggests that this behavior is relatively common among both sexes.”

Texting sexy messages and even sexier photos is easy for teens who are downright experts at using technology to communicate with their peers. In fact, for teens, communicating with a computer or handheld device is almost preferred over talking face-to-face.

“This form of communication provides constant access to friends and dating partners, and it reduces barriers that might be introduced by in-person communication,” explains Susan Tortolero, PhD, associate professor of Health Promotion and Behavioral Sciences at the UT School of Public Health and director of the Center for Health Promotion and Prevention Research. “Flirting and sending sexually explicit messages is easier by texting as it can eliminate embarrassment of in-person flirting. Teens also are willing to push boundaries and take more risks using technology.”

New twist on an old reputation buster

Posing nude in a photo isn’t exactly “new” behavior. Nor is the act of passing that photo around, once it lands in less-than-honorable hands. After all, the ancient Polaroid camera was the first “instant” messaging we had.

“What makes sexting different is the potential for the technology to transmit these images to thousands of people,” Peskin says.

A single nude image sent in a text message can be forwarded to everyone in his or her web address book with just the click of a button. Next stop: MySpace or Facebook – the gathering place for millions of winks and nods.

Once in cyberspace, the photo and the consequences that come with it are out of anyone’s control. Peskin and Tortolero say that sexting can put teens at risk for cyberbullying and sexual harassment.

“We know that young people who are involved in cyberbullying may be more likely to experience mental health problems like depression and also to experience decreased quality of life, such as missing school,” Peskin says. “We can probably expect that sexting, which is done in the context of making fun of others, also will be associated with such negative outcomes. The consequences of sexting with someone you meet online that you do not know also can be potentially dangerous.”

Just as ominous are the potential charges of distribution of pornography.  A 19-year-old college sophomore was charged with pornography offenses, branded a sex offender then expelled from school after he sent nude photos of his ex-girlfriend (that she had sent to him)  to her entire e-mail address book.  The charges can escalate to child pornography when one of the parties is under age.

Talk to your teens before they press ‘send’

Before you confiscate that cell phone or activate the parental controls on your teen’s laptop, talk to your son or daughter about the dangers of sexting. Teach them to have respect for their bodies and respect for their partner. Tell them what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship. If you are in a healthy relationship with a spouse or a partner, use that as an example.

“Parents should be talking to their children early and often about healthy sexual development and healthy relationships,” Tortolero says. “While it’s important to tell them about the risks of sexting, it is equally important to provide them with the information and tools to have healthy dating relationships.  

For some parents, this may be easier said than done. If the mere thought of speaking to your son or daughter about sex makes you queasy, then wait for the right moment. Just don’t let that moment pass. “As long as parents continue to avoid talking to teens about sexual health, healthy boundaries and healthy relationships, teens will continue to find unhealthy ways to engage in relationships,” Tortolero adds. 

No matter how young your child is, if he or she is curious, then it’s the right time to talk about sex. Christine Markham, PhD, assistant professor of Health Promotion and Behavioral Sciences at the UT School of Public Health, advises parents to speak to their children in an age appropriate way.

“When their preschool child asks, ‘How do babies get made?’ parents can say something like, ‘It’s when a man and a woman love each other and want to have a baby together,’” Markham says.

If your child never asks or simply just grows up, Markham says to use “talkable or teachable moments” – like watching a TV show with intimate scenes or listening to suggestive lyrics on the radio.

“They can talk about how important it is to really like someone and to have a good relationship with someone before they think about sex,” she says. “It’s also important to let them know that they should never be pressured into doing something sexually that they don’t want to do or don’t feel comfortable about.”

Healthy relationships by definition foster respect and regard between the participants. The pressuring of a boyfriend or girlfriend to send compromising photos or messages is a violation of boundaries. Blasting those photos or messages out to the world is a first-degree violation of privacy and trust. The damage can last a lifetime. So can the photo.

In her research on the sexual behaviors of middle school students, Markham says she defines a healthy dating relationship as, “when two people trust, respect and listen to each other, and both people support each other’s right to say yes or no at any time for any reason.” (See healthy and unhealthy relationships.)

If you’re unsure if the information you’ve given your teen about healthy relationships and establishing healthy boundaries has really sunk in, then turn the tables. Markham says to ask your teen how he or she would want to be treated in a dating relationship. Above all, she says, let them know it’s important to respect themselves and their partner in a healthy relationship.
Encourage your teen to ask him or herself this simple question: What would your criteria be for saying “yes”?

“Teens can make healthy decisions about their sexual health if given the tools,” Tortolero adds. “However, we need to start the conversation about what healthy relationships are like and how to make decisions about their own boundaries while respecting themselves and their partner.

“We should, as adults, take responsibility for what is going on with our youth and open the conversation about sexual health and healthy relationships, so youth can make better choices for their lives.”

Last Updated: 5-14-2009

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